Everyone's Favorite Ice Breaker

This is a lie. When it comes to "Everyone", there is no favorite. There are only icebreakers. Why? Hold on - let me brace myself for the fight - OK - People don't join workforces to share intimate details about themselves. They join dating apps and social clubs for that. People join workforces to provide value with their talents. And it's high time that we, as leaders, do a better job learning about our people and what makes them feel safe and productive.

We're diving into the book Quiet by Susan Cain in this week's episode and focusing on how knowing our people leads to better work environments and more productivity. The book looks at the differences between Introverts & Extroverts and it's a great read for people of both varieties! Especially if you're a leader. Why? Because Leader, you can't expect someone who loves Group Think and loud brainstorming sessions to thrive in a "let's have quiet time in our offices and bring back the most plausible solutions" world. If you never engage that person in boisterous idea banter, it's going to turn into "The Yellow Wallpaper" (Charlotte Perkins Gilman). And gasp it's the same for quiet people who never get a chance to be quiet!

I'm not kidding. It may seem like everyone is engaging JUST FINE in every group think session or team lunch; no one is complaining! But, not everyone is OK. Somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of all people qualify as introverts. These team members are exhausted after every one of these events. But WHY?! We're all great people! Yes, of course you are! Those introverts just need a little bit of recovery time. They probably use their lunchtime to get away alone and recharge, get their thoughts in order, and puzzle out a few things on their own. It doesn't mean you can't EVER hold group events; it means you as their leader need to be cognizant of how it affects them.

How can you help?

First, understand that all personalities fall on a spectrum. MOST to LEAST of whatever it is you're measuring. This spectrum looks something like:

MOST STIMULATING ENVIRONMENT LEAST STIMULATING ENVIRONMENT Extroverts - Ambiverts - Introverts

WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!!!

What's that thing in the middle?!?! Yes leaders, there is a middle in the spectrum. This is where you find people who can easil
y swing between loud and quiet, a lot of interaction to no interaction. These people probably make it harder for you to tell that not all your people are the same. I promise you, your team members are not all the same. They are all sprinkled across the spectrum and it's up to you to suss it out.

Second, do the work. What do I mean? I mean, talk to your people, observe them, figure out how they operate. If you notice that Jamie always stays silent during the team meeting brainstorming time, that's a great indicator. Conversely, if you notice that every time you explain that you'd like folks to think about x problem before the next meeting so you can all discuss solutions, Shaun interjects and immediately starts offering ideas...that's also a great indicator. Other signs are not so obvious.

I've seen short, private surveys work out, so long as they're taken seriously. I.e. Asking things like

• Do you prefer public recognition or 1-1 praise?

• What's your ideal work routine?

• Do you prefer group projects? Or individual assignments that contribute to the group's success?

Third, take action. TAKE ACTION!!! When you learn about your team, show them that you know them. You know that group discussion is invaluable. But, make sure you follow up with Jamie after a meeting to get their input. When you don't have time to do a brainstorming session as a full group, maybe ask your three most extroverted people if could find time to talk together about one specific problem. Send Shaun to talk to the department with the issue, they'll love chatting it up and making friends with that internal client! (Don't send Jamie unless you absolutely have to.)

This third bullet is so important. There is no point to doing the work if you're not going to action it. And you won't see benefits unless you do all three steps. Example- you are talking with your peer about Jamie. You just cannot for the life of you understand why you're not seeing the results you expected when you hired them. Their resume is amazing! Their accomplishments blew you away! Everyone on the team has done nothing but welcomed them - they all go to lunch together every day, they are holding multiple group sessions every day where they can share ideas and "get on the same page". Where are the accomplishments now??? It's been six months!

My dear leader, Jamie is exhausted. They're not meeting your expectations because you haven't given them an environment where they can meet your expectations. You're overwhelming them with group activities. They have no quiet, creative, productive time available to them. They're looking for a new job. Is this your fault?

Yes. As a leader, your people are your responsibility and it's up to you to make sure they're being taken care of. What about Jamie's responsibility? Jamie is showing up every day. Jamie is participating in every meeting and sub-committee you've assigned them to. Jamie is completing every task that is assigned to them, they just aren't going above and beyond with ground-breaking ideas because they don't have an environment conducive to that accomplishment. Jamie isn't comfortable telling you what they need because in six months you haven't really taken the time to get to know them.

Do we all have to do things we don't like? Of course. We all have to pay bills and go to work. 😉 We all do things we don't particularly like. But, we deserve to be appreciated for the things we DO bring to the table instead of ignored for not fitting in. Introvert OR extrovert.

And for those of you who were really hoping this would be about icebreakers...

Hello, I'm Kateri, a middle-leaning introvert. I can adapt to just about any situation. I do my best to break down complex ideas into really obvious explanations. Lots of people think I love big parties. My husband (more extroverted) watches me and always makes a graceful exit for us. I don't mind presenting - I've presented in front of thousands of people and fielded questions in the crowd afterward and felt good about it. I love my extroverted employees and peers because they afford me the ability to stay in the background, but make sure I know when I absolutely must be present in a big way. It's great, we both get a chance to shine. I can be loud & silly and brainstorm great things, but sometimes I really just need two hours to myself and write an application-sized flow. I am trained in the culinary arts and I would much rather we have a small gathering at my house and catch up over duck and Scotch.

Lastly, I really recommend you read this book and do the work. It will be worth it.

At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga.

Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus.

Temporibus autem quibusdam et aut officiis debitis aut rerum necessitatibus saepe eveniet ut et voluptates repudiandae sint et molestiae non recusandae.

Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.