If You’re Blaming Your Employees, You’re Not Leading — You’re Hiding
Before I start in with the guts, let me state - none of us is perfect. We all slip. We’ve all had moments of frustration as leaders. A deadline was missed. A customer was lost. A detail got dropped and an escalation was made.
And the easy thing — the very human thing — is to look for someone to blame. But here’s the hard truth: when we blame instead of communicate, when blame becomes our M.O. over taking responsibility and turning to root cause analysis, when we blame instead of pausing to improve communication, we don’t lead. We deflect. And the people around us (and under us) feel it.
This week, let’s talk about what it actually means to lead through communication — the kind that builds trust, unlocks performance, and helps people grow.
Let’s also talk about when communication isn’t the fix — when a work partnership is better left behind (and how to know the difference).
Blame Isn’t Leadership — It’s a Delay Tactic
Blame is quick. It's satisfying. And it feels like taking action. For some, it feels like the power they think they got with the title — when really, it’s a way of avoiding responsibility. It's childish and eventually you'll be found out.
Here’s what blaming actually does:
Shuts down psychological safety & destroys trust
Makes your employees defensive instead of reflective
Teaches your team that hiding problems is better than surfacing them
When something goes wrong, your job as a leader isn’t to assign fault. Your job is to uncover the gap — in process, communication, clarity, or alignment — and close it. Even and especially if you've created that gap.
Great leadership starts with this simple understanding:
Most people want to do good work. If they're not doing good work, something’s in the way.
Your job is to find the obstacle, not the scapegoat. Especially if you're the obstacle. Do not blame others for your lack.
When Feedback Feels Like Failure
Let’s acknowledge something most leaders don’t talk about: Giving good feedback is uncomfortable.
It takes courage, context, and follow-through. But we often rush through it (or avoid it entirely) because:
We’re not sure what to say
We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings
We’re afraid of how it’ll land (conflict averse)
We weren’t taught how to give good feedback ourselves
So instead of providing clarity, we stay vague:
“I just need you to step up.” “You’re not being proactive enough.” “This isn’t what I expected.” "The Sales clients are unhappy."
None of those are actionable. None of them help the employee improve. That’s not feedback — it’s friction.
And when your employees know that the underlying cause of all of that vagueness is a poor decision that you made, or a miscommunication you created, or a lack of direction even after guidance questions were asked, for which they had no responsibility, it's double friction. It's soon to be increased turnover.
The fix? Communicate like the outcome matters.
Clear Communication Sounds Like This:
❌ “You missed the deadline.”
✅ “Let’s look at what made this timeline hard to hit — so we can fix it for next time.”
✅ "I realized this morning that we had a deadline yesterday and then I gave you a must-do and told you it was your priority. That made us miss the deadline. What can we do a) to wrap up that item today b) make you feel comfortable pushing back when I put you in such a position".
❌ “You’re not showing initiative.”
✅ “I noticed you didn’t take the lead on that handoff. Can we talk through what held you back?”
✅ "I'm concerned that my recent feedback around the quality of your code has had an unintended consequence of making you just stick to textbook work instead of trying new things. Am I completely off-base or do we need to talk about that a little more?"
❌ “This isn’t working.”
✅ “I think we’re missing alignment on the goal. Want to walk through it together?”
✅ "I'm struggling to understand how your current task completions will help to complete this User Story. Can you explain to me what you think the goal is?"
None of this requires being soft.
It just means being clear, current, curious, and consistent.
What do I mean?
Clear - no one can improve if they don't know what needs improving.
Current - do NOT wait 6 weeks to give someone feedback that a client was unhappy with a delivery or a comment. Seriously. This is so disrespectful to both your employee AND your client. You've not allowed your employee a chance for immediate remedy and you've given your client the impression that either you or your employee or both really don't care about how they feel. I have so much more I could say here, but grinds teeth moving on... Give your employees immediate feedback.
Curious - strive to understand what's going on in their head. Communication is a two-way street.
Consistent - being consistent with good communication is a huge stress reducer for your people. They'll know where you want them to go, what priorities are, what the end game is, and what to absolutely avoid. They'll also be able to trust that if (when) something does go wrong, it will be salvageable and improvable.
Start the Conversation — But Don’t Leave It Unfinished
Here’s another common leadership trap: We start the communication. But we don’t finish it.
We say, “Let’s improve our meeting flow” — but never build the new process. We give someone a growth goal — but never revisit it. We say, “We need to communicate better” — but don’t define what that means.
The result? Your team feels stuck. They tried to listen, but the follow-through never came. So they stop trying. They don’t trust the change will stick.
And that’s where leaders lose people — not in the hard conversations, but the unresolved ones.
Quick improvements for these problems:
Schedule "meeting flow improvement", including a time to evaluate the changes. When you schedule something, it becomes real. Start the conversation by sending a poll to the team, talk about it on the meeting in question, talk about it in 1x1s, whatever works best.
Set communication (or whatever) standards and make sure they are easily available to your team. Also - hold yourself accountable to the standards that you set.
When You Actually Should Stop
Let’s be fair — not every employee relationship is a perfect fit. Not every conversation needs a bow. Sometimes helping someone leave your team is the most strategic decision you can make.
Here are signs you might need to walk away instead of push through:
You’re communicating, but the other party isn’t reciprocating
You're giving clear direction (see everything above), but improvements are lacking
You’re having the same exact conversation week after week
Knowing when to stop is just as important as knowing when to press on. What can you do if someone isn't a good fit? Pause...
Do they have a great skillset for another team?
Do they have a skillset that would allow them to shift responsibilities within your team?
If yes to either of those, have conversations around that. Chances are, they're feeling just as lousy about not meeting your expectations as you are.
Better Communication Builds Better Culture
Consider this:
“The biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw
Many leadership teams are operating under that illusion. They’ve talked about expectations. They’ve mentioned the vision. They think they’ve communicated.
But if the team doesn’t know what success looks like, what the priorities are, or how decisions get made — then you haven’t actually communicated. You’ve just spoken into the void.
If that hits a little too close to home, you’re not alone.
This doesn't necessarily mean you're a bad leader. You’re just ready to grow into a better one.
You Don’t Need to Be a Communication Expert — You Just Need to Care
At Wolf Diversified, we help leaders build communication rhythms that work. From 1:1 feedback to leadership alignment to teamwide process updates — we help you find your words, structure your actions, and follow through.
You don’t need to get it perfect.
You just need to get it going.
📍 Book a consult today to start building a leadership voice your team can trust. Or email us (support@wolfdiversified.com) with "TALK TO ME" and I’ll personally reach out.
You’re not in this alone. And you’re more ready than you think.
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